When Do Couples Need a Coach? (Not a Counselor)

Young running couple jogging

I can tell you when couples need a counselor for sure… from experience and from desire to stay together.   When your most significant relationship matters a whole lot, and you’re just in a downward spiral that’s not going away – arguing the same argument and dancing the same dance – get the help of a counselor trained to bring you together!  Don’t wait! However, over the past six months or so, I’ve stumbled into a whole new paradigm in my coaching that’s becoming a significant focus for me, especially now that I’ve moved to Colorado: Coaching Couples….particularly visionary couples who want to create change or leave a lasting legacy. I stumbled into it, particularly when a few spouses said the same thing, “I would love to do more together with my spouse in the next … Continue reading

Thoughts on Being Misunderstood

Yorkie vs horse

Clearly, none of us gets it all right or does it all right.  I, for one, can assert that I can be downright selfish, arrogant, thoughtless, rude and complaining.  I’ve been whiny, pushy, fearful, resentful and faithless.  And, it’s not like this all took place decades ago either! The Bible agrees with me: “There is no one righteous, not even one.”  (Romans 3:10) (that would include me…)  There’s no one who is always noble, virtuous, pure and honorable. However, the hardest part is when we’re (as far as we can tell) ACTUALLY seeking to do the right thing..  – things to help others – things that better life for all – things that further a cause – things that seek to do what others can’t do, won’t do or refuse to do…. AND – get … Continue reading

6 Transition Mistakes I Almost Made Again!


So, I recently (like last week!) moved 1000 miles across the country from Algonquin IL to Boulder CO.  One extra-large sized Yellow Penske truck, a still unsold home in IL, three dogs, one cat, one wife, two sons and a whole lot of details! Transition has a way of bringing out best and the worst.  I don’t remember a lot of days of my life -I tend to never forget the big transitions. I continually coach people in transition and find them making common mistakes.  So easy for an “expert” like me to spot!  : ) However, the hardest person to “coach” through transition is yours truly.  I came close to making these mistakes again, and by the grace of God didn’t make them this time.  (So far!) Here are six common transition mistakes  I … Continue reading

How to Coach Your Kid Before College


Most colleges can’t/won’t or don’t have as part of their bally wick to teach our kids what they should do with their life – and sadly, even what to major with.  (Trust me, I believe they should, but truth be told, few do.) Just a thought: as parents, why should we invest HUGE amounts of money in educating our children to do things they’ re not even sure they’re gifted, interested or have the guts to do? Yet, the Bible actually does encourage parents to be proactive about what most colleges don’t do: Help students find what they focus on in studies, majors, career and life.  Even if our parents never did this for us, it’s part of what parents do.  (Most of our parents were simply not equipped to do this, but this doesn’t … Continue reading

4 Coaching Skills Every Human Needs to Succeed

In a perfect world, there would be no need for coaches, counselors and advisers.  Friends, family and managers would continually help us do what coaches and human development experts do:  become 100% alive. 100% ourselves. 100% effective. What is coaching? Coaching involves ongoing and intentional conversation that empowers people or groups to thrive and live out their callings. A friend who started coaching wondered why they should pay someone to listen to them, ask questions and care.  “Shouldn’t my friends do that?” he asked. The answer is no…. and yes.  No -  Trained and/or gifted coaches, counselors really do change lives and empower change.  Yes, more people could and should do what trained counselors and coaches do.   Actually be great if more people studied and learned coaching proficiencies. Having studied coaching and participated in the … Continue reading

The Best Thing You Can Bring to Your Business

Businessman standing on rock

What’s the best thing you can bring to your business? Over the years,  I might have answered that question with some of these: A degree from the right place. A degree in the right field. A great network. Hard work Credibility Your past success Confidence Capital (and more capital) An accountant The right team The right strategy The next right strategy All good things…. I still agree those matter. However, I’ve come to strongly believe THE BEST thing we can possibly bring to our business… It’s this: Our Spiritual Self. Consider.  To be authentically “spiritual” involves living into what all of us really want … being  fully alive.  The”spiritual” person brims with life, vitality, “charisma” (filled with grace), wholeness, or as Jesus called it, “life to the full.”  The spiritual person brings their mind, their … Continue reading

Is It Still OK to Be an Idealist?


  I truly wonder sometimes if it’s still worthwhile to be an idealist. Turning on the news and still seeing MESS in things we care about. Struggling to get taken seriously for our visions Being Seen as Naive for our belief Being Underfunded or Underpurchased Caring about those who don’t seem to care about themselves… Idealist n. a person who cherishes or pursues high or noble principles, purposes, goals, etc. Also defined as “a visionary or impractical person.” Visionary I can go with… it’s when it gets to impractical that questions begin. Impractical: not capable of dealing with practical matters; lacking sense, an idealist. Ie. Many, if not most, entrepreneurs, writers, communicators, ministry leaders, missionaries, teachers, social workers, coaches, counselors, inventors, political leaders,  parents…. (Sometimes especially parents! Single parents who care for their kids…. TOTALLY!) There … Continue reading

Three Things to Do During a Detour


What do when you your seemingly well-planned out agenda gets interrupted by a road block and invitation to a detour? Had no clue existed? Had no clue when it ended. Had no control that you ended up there… or at least control you knew of? This was my yesterday morning in Boulder, CO. After an early morning enjoying a ‘strangely all alone” (hmmm…. )  trip up a mountain to enjoy the sunrise and a run along some of the most “postcardesque” vistas imaginable. Time to get back to my planned “to-do’s” (which at this point including finding a place to live in Boulder) “Roads closed Sir.  It’s not going to be open until 3:30 this afternoon.  Didn’t you read the sign when you came up here this morning?” My pulse quickened.  “ Whattt?????   There was … Continue reading

Unforced Rhythms of Grace at Work Radio Interview


Since this spring’s radio interview with Melinda Schmidt on her show Midday Connection, I’ve had numerous listeners contact me to say, “I feel like you were speaking directly to me.” After hearing those words twice yesterday and once more today, I thought I should post for others out there who might also relate to… The belief that draining, purposeless and loathsome work is not the way it’s meant to be. My own journey from being a senior pastor to what I do now. Our work can be a spiritual expression of who we really are You too can find a forward to work with”unforced rhythms of grace” This concept of  “unforced rhythms of grace” can be found in Matthew 11 and is worded that way in the Message Version.  It really is THE way of … Continue reading

Living Into Large


It’s OH so easy to just settle, isn’t it?  When I mentioned the little hairs growing in my ears to Kristen, who was cutting my hair, she said, “Yeah, you get older and things tend to grow and droop, don’t they?” Hmmmm…. Is this just life?  Ear hair and excess sags? Yes and no. So, when I went go to get new workout clothing the other day (my others have paint on them!), I realize: “I no longer need to buy an Extra-Large…. I can fit into a Large!!  Well, almost!” I then realize my summer goal “LIVE INTO LARGE.” Here’s a confession: My body is really an “L.”  Over the past 13 years, I’ve just settled for “XL.”   And every time I go to purchase new clothing, I realize, “This isn’t the real me … Continue reading